Farewell, Mi’amor!

                

"I love you and I will always do. But I need you to know that though we had a good time, we cannot be together. I do not want you to wait for me yet I will not be coming back to you, however much I may want to. You have been a great turning point in my life and I have learnt a lot whilst with you. But honey, I need you to know that I need this break up more than you can fathom. You are a good man and I hope one day you find love with a lady who deserves you. My prayer is one day you get to understand that I did this for us. ” 
These were her last words as she walked away, I have never seen nor heard from her again. Only to see wedding invitation cards four months later, with her name on it.

To imagine that I once told her I would never let her go makes my heart ache tenfold! The mere thought that I deceived myself that what we were building was a formidable love force that every love bird in the campus would want to resonate with shutters my already broken heart into smithereens.  I wished she knew how I have been trying so hard not think about us, not to hate her coz hate only ruins people’s life. Sometimes I even ask myself why I had to care so much for her while all she did was show me the red flags. I did not even have the strength to wish I had never met her.

I thought that letting our love go to waste would give me some space to heal and figure out how to make it work for me by carrying myself up and moving on. I spend so much time thinking of all the possible things I could have done just to make her stay but trust me; nothing leaves me so empty than to think that I gave it my all. The reality that she is now another man’s bride and that she is not with me makes me blame myself for not trying harder to keep her.  But who would have had the strength to talk after such a bombshell?
Sometimes I wish she knew how many sleepless nights I spent thinking that if only she could have waited a little bit longer, if only she could have meant every word that she ever told me while whispering sweet nothing in my ears. Yes, I always wanted the best for her, but knowing she went too soon to find a better life, completely broke me.  All the memories we made, I hope they meant something to you. It will hurt me, but I will have to let everything that we ever shared fade away.

As my tears dry, as I start loving her less and contending with the fact that this is a goodbye note, I want her to know that I now love myself enough to know that it is time for me to let her go. I sincerely hope that she finds all the happiness that she ever wanted.

Farewell, mi’amor!

ONE STEP AT A TIME

Graduates who are fresh out of school are the most frustrated lot in this country. And the reason is simple -high expectations. We get out of school thinking that we're going to earn six-figure salaries immediately, buy sleek cars in six months, and rent apartments in Kileleshwa.

The truth is, life seldom works that way. I look at life as a progressive journey. You have to begin from somewhere. You have to use a Matatu to work at some point in your life, and you should realize that there is nothing wrong with that. Your first house might be a small room that only fits your bed. Again, there is nothing wrong with that.

The point is, life has to begin from somewhere. Personally, I don't want instant success. If it's not sustainable, I don't want it. My success must be premised on a robust foundation. It must be forged through sweat, tears, and blood. That way, it will be long-lasting. For that reason, I have to be patient and persistent.

When you have high expectations, you cut out some opportunities. I have a friend who started his tenure wit Deloitte (the audit firm) as a trainee graduate earning only 30K. This figure can barely sustain you through a month in Nairobi. Two years down the line, he's earning close to 120K.

If he said that he would not take a job that pays 30K, maybe he'd still be tarmacking. Open yourself to things like unpaid internships if its a great organization. Companies like Safaricom give first consideration to folks who have interned with them when employment opportunities come up. No firm can spend money training you for more than three months then watch you walk through the door to go and apply those skills elsewhere.

Every great company you know today started from somewhere. Jeff Bezos drew Amazon's first logo himself because he didn't even have the money to hire a designer. His first office was a small table and a Mackintosh computer in his mother's garage.

For two years, Mark Zuckerberg ran Facebook from a college dorm. By 27, Nigerian Jason Njoku had failed so terribly in life that he had to move back to his parent's house. And in the next four years, he founded and ran Iroko Partners from his mother's kitchen table. Today, Njogu's networth is $40 million.

One of my favorite books is Dale Canergie's "How to Win Friends and Influence People." Today, the book has sold over 15 million copies. But do you know how it started? As a lecture. Dale delivered a lecture which soon expanded to a set of rules printed on a postcard and subsequently a book after 15 years of painstaking experimentation.

Great business start small. Great leaders start small. In fact the smaller it is, the more likely its chances of succeeding. The evolutionary process of a brand (individual or company) is as critical as its success.

A POLYGAMOUS OR A PHILANDERER?

What is more responsible than having as many girlfriends as I can handle? Take it from this perspective, when a chic knows she is the only one in a man’s life, the monopoly overwhelms her. Knowing  she has no competition, she becomes careless and always sulks like a baby thinking she is fully entitled to put you through mental torture and detriment you ,after all, at the end of the day you have no side chic to resort to. Honestly, I really pity the suffering monogamous dudes who slowly but surely will soon be heading to Mathare Mental facilities .God help the poor souls!

Women are funny creatures who fear competition, especially the nagging type. If you as much as dare receive a call from a lady she does not know and you fail to explain who she is, believe me my friend you will end up not knowing what conjugal rights are for about two weeks.

What if another  lady comes into the picture? This would definitely trigger her competitive side ,nothing makes a lady feel more insecure like seeing a hot chic constantly hitting your inbox in whatsapp, constantly liking your posts in facebook and faithfully following your tweets. Your trophy lady would definitely do everything to outdo the other lady, just so to please you. It  is healthy to make women jealous, it is only then that you will get full dose of her romance side.

I know most ladies would call me crazy but I think most responsible men would agree with me.  Get my point clearly, am not saying that a man should  be a philanderer or a Casanova for that matter, am sanely advocating for polygamy but now in campus level. Make it official to her that you have two other ladies beside her. If I may allude to the holy book that we so much tie our faiths to, we find the wisest of all people that have ever lived, Wise King Solomon, with all his wisdom knew it was quite cumbersome to have one woman at his beck and call. He had a staggering number of a thousand! Ndume kamili!

Ladies what is worse? Having a  man who has two ladies and he faithfully serves  them or a man who has only you but  diligently and aggressively sleeps around  with  anything in  a skirt in the name of team mafisi? 

It is about time we became realistic, why be too proud to refuse  to be the second or third lady in a relationship yet all the six to ten men you have initially met in your campus life all stayed with you, and only you, faithfully but after digging your honeypot disappeared into thin air? Honestly it is not playing second fiddle; it only implies the other lady came first, you both have a role to play and the bottom line is that you share one man who is faithful to both of you.

My ten dollar point is;  this does not have to make sense, it is the reality!

TROUBLED HEART

     

Some people are so lucky that even when they hurt others they still get so much love. You told me you pride in discretion; a subtle message I did not decipher at that moment because , swiry, I fell head over heels for you, but now I get the feeling that you wanted me to be a secret in your life that you would do anything to conceal from anyone that knew you. You told me that we will never be perfect, but you wanted to spend every imperfect moment with me. If this was not love, have the courtesy to tell me what it was, my love.

Andy, I have so many questions to ask you, and quite frankly, I do not need answers from you because lately you seem to have mastered the art of lying to my face, or so I think! Am I so unlucky that even when I give you all my love and care, I still end up being hurt? Why do you make it so hard for me to love you, are you still the gentleman that approached me a while back and proffessed his undying love for me? Do you remember how you swept me off my feet even though I had a guy in my life? It is not that I ranked you above him, it is because you stole my heart, Andy.

I remember you asked me who the lucky man in my life was and that you envied him, did you really mean it? Have you forgoten how you told me am the best thing that has ever happened in your life and that I made your heart melt with joy? Hitherto, he, the man you took me away from,  still wants me back because I was his most prized possession. I normally tell him without mincing words that I moved on, because I still tell myself chosing you was the best thing I ever did. So please prove me that when you said am more of a priority than option to you,you meant every single word sweetheart! Why is it that every thing that he did to make me chose you over him, are still the same things you have been doing lately, my love? could you even for a single day go back to the man that you were when you were wooing me into your nest hun? I still reminisce the nostalgic moments we ever shared when you were my swet Romeo! Or should I just dismiss you as another case of the dangerous vicious cycle of randy men who are amorously philandering around...what happened to you hun?

Saying that I have given up on you would be wishful thinking, it  is love am  talking about, not abracadabra. Often times I try to pretend am happy so that I do not have to explain to the world what am going through, to me smiling is better than trying to explain the reason am sad and I always take deep breathes whenever I see your images or hear you laugh with your friends, it is my best way of consolation.
Lastly, cupcake, a friend once told me that if I want to know if a bird is really mine, I should let it go; if it flies back into my arms, then it was really meant for me, but if it goes away, for good, then it was never meant to be! So with utmost conviction, if one day I give up on you, its not because i did not care but because you did not!

ALL THAT I EVER WANTED...

ALL THAT I EVER WANTED...


...was not to write about us in the past tense. If you are reading this, it means we didn't sail through. It means our story was more of a fling, an overnight sensation that dwindled like a weak flame amidst a storm and died off.  Even as I let go of what we shared, I know it was good when it lasted. I know it is the best thing that ever happened in my life. That I do not regret any moment I ever shared with you is of no doubt. That we both did everything we could to see it through is out of question. Although I have to admit I wished it could grow against all odds, for the love that I got from you is immeasurable. These questions still run through my mind, almost making me run amok: could we not have weathered the storm? Could we not fight for us?


...was not to fake a smile and act the gentleman by taking it all in my stride. But  I want to promise you that am not hurt. Am not crying. All I am doing is shedding happy tears, tears of joy remembering all the sweet memories we ever shared. Reminiscing the nostalgic moments so engraved in my memory makes me smile and think of how wonderfully you colored my world.  But babe, maybe this thing called love was not for us. I do not want to say it was an infatuation, because for me it wasn't.


...was not to talk about our other lives and the people in them but It is a complex situation, isnt it? I found you in love with someone else, who apparently you were not ready to let go of: I was in a relationship too, complicated relationship, which I was more than willing to let go, for us. But no one wants to take a nose dive in a relationship that will lead to another complicated love triangle. You suggested it is best for us to let it go: to give it space.


...was not to act halfheartedly, thinking of the other guy in your life as I accept your proposition and that he came before me. Halfhearted because I could not let myself decipher the fact that you love someone else so much that you love me enough to let me go. With a heavy heart I looked into it, soberly and maturely, deciding not to be selfish; look from both sides and coming to terms with reality that you love me, you love me enough to want to see me happy, you did it for me, and for that I want to thank you sweetheart.


...was to have you, be your alpha man, your strength and  your knight in shining armor...babe, more of a priority than an option to you but sadly it all turned out to be an overnight sensation, and for that am grateful too, for everything. Being the strong guy that you envisioned me to be, am letting it go for your wish is my command. I hope you have a special place for me as your special friend, a position I am gladly getting accustomed to. Honey, am always here, for you. I will always be there to give you a shoulder to lean on, to see you through your struggles and my candy pie, I promise to always be by your side. As for your guy, anytime you look into his eyes, let him know he is a lucky man. He owns a coveted prize. You deserve to be happy. You deserve the best. Am happy for you and grateful I got to know you.


All that I ever wanted was not to say... "Adios mi Amor!"

SHE IS SPECIAL...

Here I am again. Lost for words. I still do not know what it is about her that keeps me attached to her in silence. Until now I still do not know why every time our eyes cross there is this silly smile that registers on my lips, thus betraying my thoughts.  Everything about her is a perfect piece of art. I do not know what to say about how I feel, because even myself I cannot explain it.

As she stood in front of the class, everything she said did not get into my system because all I could do was admire how she was a center of attraction: an object of admiration and envy. She was as beautiful as an angel, a picture of perfection. Everything about her could be described in the superlatives. Well-polished black nails on cute little fingers with a ring in the left index finger, perfectly placed gorgeous white eyes, hypnotizing smile,  a sweet voice, well braided hair tied to a pony in the middle of her cute round  head, to crown it all, she exuded beauty and intelligence.

If she is reading this, I know she is probably dismissing me to be bluffing. No! Am not blubbering! Sometimes I look at her and wonder who the lucky guy in her life is. Does he treat her like the center of his world? Does he really know that he has a gem at his disposal? Does he treasure her; hold her tight like she is the only priceless thing this world can offer? Or does he treat her more like an option than a priority? Woe unto him! If he has no clue about what “a thousand and one” men would give all they got to own and possess, then guard jealously with all they have at their disposal.  Whoever that lucky guy is, cherish her, worship the ground that she walks on, make her your priority, always give her a listening ear and undivided attention. Simple: hold her with both arms and never let her go!

As for me, I will still admire her silently from a distance. Keep praying that she stays happy. Happy always. Because that is all she deserves. All I want is to see her bright smile every time she calls my name and says hi. All I want is to keep seeing her enjoy every moment of her life, because that is what I do: enjoying mine.  I am still cautiously trying to find out what it is about her that keeps me glued to her, I do not think its love because I got someone, she got someone too…so I think. I do not think its infatuation because I am the kind of guy who only compliments on what I genuinely feel.  Loyalty is a responsibility, I happen to be one of the few around who knows that.  Though we both have people we value in our lives, special people…all we can do is to say, can what God has planned be unplanned?

Time will tell…

"BLUE-TICK" SYNDROME

In every lady's inbox,there is a man seriously wasting his time.

"Hey cutie?" ; blue ticks.
" Sasa msupa?" ; blue ticks.
"Wow...gorgeous dp"...blue ticks.
" Hey sweet pie? Do you even see my texts?"...blue ticks.

Men,please, dont tell me you are that dumb! Where on earth do you get the energy to keep on texting after a series of blue ticks? By the way, I know when you are texting me it does not mean that you want to woo me,seduce me or even appreciate how cool I looked in my flowery dress today.Come on! This is 21st Century,and I know that you are man enough to ask me out on a date,or even walk up to me confidently and tell me your sweet nothings. So its my choice to see whether you are a company i can tolerate or a wimp I would gladly scream good riddance when we part ways. If  I am wrong please  just tell me,real men do not seduce through text messages,especially on your first move: first impression creates a lasting impression,so I heard.

Hey! Before i veer offtrack,let me explain to you why i blue tick you,always. The last time I gave you a couple of my precious time,bro,you bored me to death. I was anxiously waiting to hear some good vibes from you but Oh My! What a disappointment you turned out to be. To make matters worse you picked my number from our Whatsapp grou,then being the clown that you are you continuosly forward to me the funny messages and Robert Mugabe quotes that I see in our whatsapp group,which coincidentally we shae! Boy please! I hate bad vibes that follow after I respond to your incessant "Hey's". Next time you text a new Chiquita, try to create a first impression. Its not that I play hard to get,its not that I am good at ignoring cute guys like you,nope! Ladies love funny men. First break that barrier,make us  familiar to you. Catch our attention. Show some effort in our first conversations, you do not necessarily have to be funny,but be smooth and do not act like you only text because their is free WiFi hotspots in school. If a lady gives you her number,man, that's a plus. You won't have to explain where you got her number. Make a call,even its just saying "hi I thought I should remind you am that super irresistible guy you gave your number today!" Confidence,who tells you you are irresistible? No one, but at least you are confident.

There is this crazy package of men who after two -three " blue ticks" hurl insults at us. Honestly, why don't you keep your ego to yourself and wait for the day that I will text you so that you also enjoy the privilege of ignoring my texts? One even dared me to block him instead of ignoring him. I felt sorry for him because he is a guy met once and I expected much from him but sadly he did not match up to my expectations.
Men, impression matters a lot. If you are that kind of guy who cannot keep a conversation going for even 20 minutes, one who has never dared say hello face to face to a lady,has never the pick up line of "Hey cutie...I got your number from our whatsapp group", the kind of boy...sorry man who say we are proud yet we have nothing to show for it; that's after we have successfully ignored your bad vibes and you have painfully failed to catch our attention, please, coil your tail, clamp yourself at a corner in your room and do something useful with your time like playing Temple run. Let real men,with good vibes and who know what exactly to say after "Hi" to hit our in boxes. Please.