TROUBLED HEART

     

Some people are so lucky that even when they hurt others they still get so much love. You told me you pride in discretion; a subtle message I did not decipher at that moment because , swiry, I fell head over heels for you, but now I get the feeling that you wanted me to be a secret in your life that you would do anything to conceal from anyone that knew you. You told me that we will never be perfect, but you wanted to spend every imperfect moment with me. If this was not love, have the courtesy to tell me what it was, my love.

Andy, I have so many questions to ask you, and quite frankly, I do not need answers from you because lately you seem to have mastered the art of lying to my face, or so I think! Am I so unlucky that even when I give you all my love and care, I still end up being hurt? Why do you make it so hard for me to love you, are you still the gentleman that approached me a while back and proffessed his undying love for me? Do you remember how you swept me off my feet even though I had a guy in my life? It is not that I ranked you above him, it is because you stole my heart, Andy.

I remember you asked me who the lucky man in my life was and that you envied him, did you really mean it? Have you forgoten how you told me am the best thing that has ever happened in your life and that I made your heart melt with joy? Hitherto, he, the man you took me away from,  still wants me back because I was his most prized possession. I normally tell him without mincing words that I moved on, because I still tell myself chosing you was the best thing I ever did. So please prove me that when you said am more of a priority than option to you,you meant every single word sweetheart! Why is it that every thing that he did to make me chose you over him, are still the same things you have been doing lately, my love? could you even for a single day go back to the man that you were when you were wooing me into your nest hun? I still reminisce the nostalgic moments we ever shared when you were my swet Romeo! Or should I just dismiss you as another case of the dangerous vicious cycle of randy men who are amorously philandering around...what happened to you hun?

Saying that I have given up on you would be wishful thinking, it  is love am  talking about, not abracadabra. Often times I try to pretend am happy so that I do not have to explain to the world what am going through, to me smiling is better than trying to explain the reason am sad and I always take deep breathes whenever I see your images or hear you laugh with your friends, it is my best way of consolation.
Lastly, cupcake, a friend once told me that if I want to know if a bird is really mine, I should let it go; if it flies back into my arms, then it was really meant for me, but if it goes away, for good, then it was never meant to be! So with utmost conviction, if one day I give up on you, its not because i did not care but because you did not!

ALL THAT I EVER WANTED...

ALL THAT I EVER WANTED...


...was not to write about us in the past tense. If you are reading this, it means we didn't sail through. It means our story was more of a fling, an overnight sensation that dwindled like a weak flame amidst a storm and died off.  Even as I let go of what we shared, I know it was good when it lasted. I know it is the best thing that ever happened in my life. That I do not regret any moment I ever shared with you is of no doubt. That we both did everything we could to see it through is out of question. Although I have to admit I wished it could grow against all odds, for the love that I got from you is immeasurable. These questions still run through my mind, almost making me run amok: could we not have weathered the storm? Could we not fight for us?


...was not to fake a smile and act the gentleman by taking it all in my stride. But  I want to promise you that am not hurt. Am not crying. All I am doing is shedding happy tears, tears of joy remembering all the sweet memories we ever shared. Reminiscing the nostalgic moments so engraved in my memory makes me smile and think of how wonderfully you colored my world.  But babe, maybe this thing called love was not for us. I do not want to say it was an infatuation, because for me it wasn't.


...was not to talk about our other lives and the people in them but It is a complex situation, isnt it? I found you in love with someone else, who apparently you were not ready to let go of: I was in a relationship too, complicated relationship, which I was more than willing to let go, for us. But no one wants to take a nose dive in a relationship that will lead to another complicated love triangle. You suggested it is best for us to let it go: to give it space.


...was not to act halfheartedly, thinking of the other guy in your life as I accept your proposition and that he came before me. Halfhearted because I could not let myself decipher the fact that you love someone else so much that you love me enough to let me go. With a heavy heart I looked into it, soberly and maturely, deciding not to be selfish; look from both sides and coming to terms with reality that you love me, you love me enough to want to see me happy, you did it for me, and for that I want to thank you sweetheart.


...was to have you, be your alpha man, your strength and  your knight in shining armor...babe, more of a priority than an option to you but sadly it all turned out to be an overnight sensation, and for that am grateful too, for everything. Being the strong guy that you envisioned me to be, am letting it go for your wish is my command. I hope you have a special place for me as your special friend, a position I am gladly getting accustomed to. Honey, am always here, for you. I will always be there to give you a shoulder to lean on, to see you through your struggles and my candy pie, I promise to always be by your side. As for your guy, anytime you look into his eyes, let him know he is a lucky man. He owns a coveted prize. You deserve to be happy. You deserve the best. Am happy for you and grateful I got to know you.


All that I ever wanted was not to say... "Adios mi Amor!"

SHE IS SPECIAL...

Here I am again. Lost for words. I still do not know what it is about her that keeps me attached to her in silence. Until now I still do not know why every time our eyes cross there is this silly smile that registers on my lips, thus betraying my thoughts.  Everything about her is a perfect piece of art. I do not know what to say about how I feel, because even myself I cannot explain it.

As she stood in front of the class, everything she said did not get into my system because all I could do was admire how she was a center of attraction: an object of admiration and envy. She was as beautiful as an angel, a picture of perfection. Everything about her could be described in the superlatives. Well-polished black nails on cute little fingers with a ring in the left index finger, perfectly placed gorgeous white eyes, hypnotizing smile,  a sweet voice, well braided hair tied to a pony in the middle of her cute round  head, to crown it all, she exuded beauty and intelligence.

If she is reading this, I know she is probably dismissing me to be bluffing. No! Am not blubbering! Sometimes I look at her and wonder who the lucky guy in her life is. Does he treat her like the center of his world? Does he really know that he has a gem at his disposal? Does he treasure her; hold her tight like she is the only priceless thing this world can offer? Or does he treat her more like an option than a priority? Woe unto him! If he has no clue about what “a thousand and one” men would give all they got to own and possess, then guard jealously with all they have at their disposal.  Whoever that lucky guy is, cherish her, worship the ground that she walks on, make her your priority, always give her a listening ear and undivided attention. Simple: hold her with both arms and never let her go!

As for me, I will still admire her silently from a distance. Keep praying that she stays happy. Happy always. Because that is all she deserves. All I want is to see her bright smile every time she calls my name and says hi. All I want is to keep seeing her enjoy every moment of her life, because that is what I do: enjoying mine.  I am still cautiously trying to find out what it is about her that keeps me glued to her, I do not think its love because I got someone, she got someone too…so I think. I do not think its infatuation because I am the kind of guy who only compliments on what I genuinely feel.  Loyalty is a responsibility, I happen to be one of the few around who knows that.  Though we both have people we value in our lives, special people…all we can do is to say, can what God has planned be unplanned?

Time will tell…

"BLUE-TICK" SYNDROME

In every lady's inbox,there is a man seriously wasting his time.

"Hey cutie?" ; blue ticks.
" Sasa msupa?" ; blue ticks.
"Wow...gorgeous dp"...blue ticks.
" Hey sweet pie? Do you even see my texts?"...blue ticks.

Men,please, dont tell me you are that dumb! Where on earth do you get the energy to keep on texting after a series of blue ticks? By the way, I know when you are texting me it does not mean that you want to woo me,seduce me or even appreciate how cool I looked in my flowery dress today.Come on! This is 21st Century,and I know that you are man enough to ask me out on a date,or even walk up to me confidently and tell me your sweet nothings. So its my choice to see whether you are a company i can tolerate or a wimp I would gladly scream good riddance when we part ways. If  I am wrong please  just tell me,real men do not seduce through text messages,especially on your first move: first impression creates a lasting impression,so I heard.

Hey! Before i veer offtrack,let me explain to you why i blue tick you,always. The last time I gave you a couple of my precious time,bro,you bored me to death. I was anxiously waiting to hear some good vibes from you but Oh My! What a disappointment you turned out to be. To make matters worse you picked my number from our Whatsapp grou,then being the clown that you are you continuosly forward to me the funny messages and Robert Mugabe quotes that I see in our whatsapp group,which coincidentally we shae! Boy please! I hate bad vibes that follow after I respond to your incessant "Hey's". Next time you text a new Chiquita, try to create a first impression. Its not that I play hard to get,its not that I am good at ignoring cute guys like you,nope! Ladies love funny men. First break that barrier,make us  familiar to you. Catch our attention. Show some effort in our first conversations, you do not necessarily have to be funny,but be smooth and do not act like you only text because their is free WiFi hotspots in school. If a lady gives you her number,man, that's a plus. You won't have to explain where you got her number. Make a call,even its just saying "hi I thought I should remind you am that super irresistible guy you gave your number today!" Confidence,who tells you you are irresistible? No one, but at least you are confident.

There is this crazy package of men who after two -three " blue ticks" hurl insults at us. Honestly, why don't you keep your ego to yourself and wait for the day that I will text you so that you also enjoy the privilege of ignoring my texts? One even dared me to block him instead of ignoring him. I felt sorry for him because he is a guy met once and I expected much from him but sadly he did not match up to my expectations.
Men, impression matters a lot. If you are that kind of guy who cannot keep a conversation going for even 20 minutes, one who has never dared say hello face to face to a lady,has never the pick up line of "Hey cutie...I got your number from our whatsapp group", the kind of boy...sorry man who say we are proud yet we have nothing to show for it; that's after we have successfully ignored your bad vibes and you have painfully failed to catch our attention, please, coil your tail, clamp yourself at a corner in your room and do something useful with your time like playing Temple run. Let real men,with good vibes and who know what exactly to say after "Hi" to hit our in boxes. Please.